About a month or so ago I had been given a homework assignment. Pretty normal for me to get them and sometimes it is to watch a thing or read a book. This one was to watch a documentary, which I love watching documentaries anyway. So, I was supposed to watch one of HBO’s newer documentaries, “The Trans List.” Well, I don’t have HBO so I had been looking around for somewhere to watch it online or wait for a free HBO weekend via my parents cable.
My spouse and I wanted to watch ‘The Intern’ the other night and it was streaming on Amazon, through HBO. Hrm, damn. However, we had not used our free month trial of HBO via Amazon yet. Looks like I’m spending most of January watching HBO things. We got to watch our movie and then we watched ‘The Trans List.’ I was falling asleep a little during the end because I am an old man, but I can see why the old white dude wanted me to watch it.
He wanted me to see more people who have experienced what I experience. I think part of that is because where I am, I don’t get to see people like me. There are people like me at the college that I went to, which is local and liberal, but that’s about it. I don’t have people really nearby who I can look at and go, “Oh, they understand this.” Sometimes that makes things really difficult because I feel like I’m going all alone in this little boat on a giant ocean.
Later on we watched ‘Suited’ which was about this super awesome company that makes tailored suits. The dude had started with like, people from Wall St. until he got a client that wasn’t like the others. They ended up getting apprenticed to him and from there the business took off with a whole slew of LGBTQ clients. So we’re watching this, and of course there’s a bunch of super sweet, super attractive transfolk… and most of them have supportive families. I swear, can you like buy a supportive family? Do you get them in a cereal box? Seriously, can someone tell me the secret to a supportive family because I would love to know.
Hell at this point I would love just to be able to breathe and not feel so damned policed. I want to be able to see more people like me. Yea, there’s the internet and it is something that has connected me to others like me for years…
But I really just want to be able to see people like me. Like grab a cup of coffee and just breathe kind of see people. And I hate people for the most part because socializing takes a lot out of me.
I just want to see others like me and maybe feel like I am normal. Maybe if I would see more like me walking down the street in town I wouldn’t feel so pressured to either live in one space or the other. I’m straddling two worlds at minimum and I’m feeling my legs giving out.