Each day is becoming more and more of waking up and looking for a damage report. Like, it is so hard some days to get dressed and go to work and try to make the world, or at least the community, a better place. This isn’t the kind of world I wanted to live in, but it’s the one I’m stuck in. Little by little I suppose is the only way to make it nowadays.
So I get up. I go to work. I do my job and work to improve people’s lives.
While there I also work to challenge people’s perceptions of various “groups” that I’m part of. I’m just like everyone else, but I do belong to various minority groups. I’m queer. I’m trans. I’ve got mental health issues. I’m not the face most people think of for any of those groups, though I “look” queerer and queerer each and every day. I’m just being myself. My nerdy self that I’ve always been.
I made a deal with myself that I was going to be more open in general this year. Especially with the fallout of how the election went in 2016. We need people to stand up and speak out. We need to be able to show people ourselves in a way that could challenge the bias they had. We need to create a world where it is safe to be who we really are. That might mean starting small. Looking at local spaces in a community where it is okay to just be. To just exist. That might mean that we need to look at our local library, because most of them don’t get a lot of money, and see how we can help. Ask what they want, what they need, what they wish they could do. I read all the time, so I am buying cheap books in good condition, reading them, and donating them. Others need knowledge too. Others need entertainment. Kids need to find things that can help them find their passions.
We need to help one another. Only as one can we survive.
But that’s scary too.
This whole being honest and open really, really sucks. I want to be able to be myself. But, as it keeps being at the moment… that’s not really a possibility in some of the spaces I exist in.
But I have to keep trying. It’s not like I can cease to exist, though there are days when I would still like to cease. I’m here and that’s where I’m at. I wake up, I take my meds, I go to therapy every week and I am trying my damnedest to be who I am without fear.
…and then I look at the current state of the country, and I fear for what the next day may bring.